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CDS Member News and ArticlesProfessional News Articles : FRONT DESK by Mary M. Byers, CAE : What patients need What patients needFebruary 2, 2009 Sometimes, what patients need is the very thing you’re unwilling to give them. I’ve learned this from my children. When my daughter was younger, she’d often be petulant and moody. When this happened, I frequently chose to ignore her. Her behavior would worsen. Eventually, I recognized that what she really needed from me was my undivided attention. But because she was being irritable, sitting down with her was the last thing I wanted to do. It was a paradox: what she needed, I was unwilling to give. When I chose to focus on her, however, her behavior inevitably improved. The same can be true with your most difficult patients. What they need is often the very thing you’re unwilling to give them. But when you meet their needs, you further the relationship and often their behavior will improve. Why are we so reluctant to provide what another person needs at the time they need it? Here’s why: We don’t want to reward bad behavior. Truthfully, my daughter and I were engaged in a power struggle. I didn’t want her to learn that she could get my attention by behaving poorly. Consequently, I didn’t always respond with attention when she was irritable. But when I was able to determine why she was grumpy (i.e. fatigue, hunger, illness), I made sure to respond. And when I did, her behavior changed. The next time a patient acts out in your office, consider that there may be a reason that you don’t understand (illness, stress, anxiety, etc.). Don’t think of your response as rewarding the behavior. Instead, think of your response as a mechanism within your power to change the patient’s behavior. Selfishness. Honestly, sometimes I was too selfish to give my daughter what she needed. Her bad behavior triggered my own bad behavior, resulting in a negative spiral for both of us. When I recognized my response for what it was, however, I was able to change my response to her by acting more mature. And when my behavior changed, hers often did, too. Pride. The dictionary defines pride as “a haughty attitude shown by somebody who believes, often unjustifiably, that he or she is better than others.” When someone else is behaving poorly, it’s easy to feel that you’re better than they are because at that moment, your behavior is better than theirs. However, it’s unwise to allow your actions to be determined by another’s, especially when a patient is angry, frustrated, afraid or out of control. When others are out of control is precisely when you need to be in control. The above may sound like psychobabble but it’s powerful insight into human behavior. When you remember that sometimes patients need what you’re unwilling to give, it makes it easier to take responsibility for your own behavior in a relationship and to figure out specifically how you should respond. Ultimately, your own actions are the only thing you can control. Amazingly, when you change your behavior, others often change theirs as well. The next time you have a difficult patient in your office, ask, “What does this person need from me?” Once you know what it is, it is easier to provide it, even if you have to overcome your unwillingness to do so.
CDS presents Front Desk, a column addressing problems dentists and
staff members experience in the office. Front Desk is prepared by Mary
M. Byers, CAE, a professional speaker and freelance writer. Ms. Byers
may be reached at mbyers@marybyers.com or www.marybyers.com. Send suggestions for topics to be covered to review@cds.org. |
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