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Professional News Articles : FRONT DESK by Mary M. Byers, CAE : Hard conversations

Hard conversations

June 11, 2008

There comes a time in every person’s life when it’s time to have a hard conversation. In the dental office, this conversation might occur with your boss, a fellow team member, or maybe even a patient. In any case, it’s a good idea to be prepared prior to starting a difficult conversation rather than launching into one in the heat of the moment. These helpful guidelines will get you through a difficult conversation.

Choose the time for the conversation wisely. The harder the conversation, the more carefully you should pick the time for it. It’s not wise to hurry through a difficult discussion just prior to your first patient arrival, nor does it make sense to have it in passing in the hallway. Tough conversations should be held when you are unhurried and can be uninterrupted.

Ask for permission to have the conversation. Approach the individual you need to speak with and ask when it would be convenient to talk with them. Try something like, “Susan, there’s something I’d like to touch base with you about when we both have the time and know we won’t be interrupted. What time would be good for you?”

Use “I” statements so that the person you’re talking with doesn’t feel defensive. “I” statements put the focus on you rather than the person you’re talking with. As an example, you might say, “I feel frustrated when you’re impatient with me in front of patients because I believe it hurts our working relationship.” By focusing on how you feel, rather than placing blame on the person you’re talking to, you keep that person from getting defensive, thereby making it more possible to complete the conversation in a positive manner.

Know what you want ahead of time. Do you want the person you’re approaching to talk with you privately when they are upset with you? Do you want them to give you input as to how you can improve your job performance? Knowing what you want ahead of time makes it easier to have a difficult conversation because you can ask for what you want. This keeps the conversation focused and prevents unnecessary tangents.

Remain calm. Above all, remain calm. This shows the person you’re talking to that you are serious about solving the problem and aren’t interested in escalating the conversation to an angry debate. By controlling your emotions, you’ll make it possible to complete the conversation even if the individual you’re speaking with is angry or defensive. If it’s clear that their emotions are making it difficult to continue the conversation, simply say, “I can see that I’ve made you angry and I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intent. Instead, I had hoped we could come to an agreement on how to handle this in the future. Perhaps we should both think about this and talk again tomorrow?”

Summarize the conversation. Before you end the discussion, summarize your understanding by saying, “Am I correct in understanding that we’ve agreed to…” and then recap the conversation. This will help ensure both of you are on the same page before the dialogue ends.

Say thank you. Be sure to thank the individual for his or her willingness to have the conversation, even if it was extremely difficult. Say, “Susan, I know this was difficult and I appreciate your willingness to hear me out and discuss the issue with me. Thank you.” This ends the conversation on a more positive note.

Hard conversations are sometimes the most productive. Rather than letting things simmer, it makes sense to have a hard conversation sooner rather than later. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.

CDS presents Front Desk, a column addressing problems dentists and staff members experience in the office. Front Desk is prepared by Mary M. Byers, CAE, a professional speaker and freelance writer. Ms. Byers may be reached at mbyers@marybyers.com or www.marybyers.com. Send suggestions for topics to be covered to review@cds.org.

© 2008, Chicago Dental Society